Without honesty, a truly deep relationship with God is impossible! God cannot hear us, or speak to us, if we are building a wall of self-deception. A lot of our conversations are usually filled with deception; most of it unfortunately are self-deception. What do I mean by this? Why am I making such accusations? Well think about it, when someone asks you how you are feeling, our automatic reply is “great” or “I’m doing good”. Is that really true for that moment? These small, simple, automatic lies become our mode of conversation in all our relationships, including the relationship we have with ourselves. And definitely seeps into the relationship with have with God.
I understand that we cannot always be honest with each other and bombard our true feelings to another. The reason for this is that most people don’t really care to know your truth. But God is not “most people” is He? God is the one and only being that knows your true self, He knows your every feeling, your every thought, your every action. You can never hide your true feelings from God. But because we have learned to hide these feelings from others and even subconsciously, or in some cases consciously, from ourselves, we automatically try to hide these feelings from God.
This is what I mean by not being honest with God. God craves an honest communication with you. Why go to God and put up a false front? Our God is a loving, caring God, who wants an honest relationship with you. He is not an angry punishing God who you will offend with your honest venting. God knows you better than you know yourself!
I had lost so much of myself during my marriage that once I got a divorce I didn’t know who I truly was. Who is Shalini? I had been looking at myself through the eyes of another person for so long. I had tried to change myself to meet the expectation and approval of the other person for so long, that I had forgotten who I was. One of the biggest tasks I undertook after my divorce was to find myself again. Believe me, it was probably the hardest thing I had to do. It was hard because in finding myself I unraveled some truths that I did not want to face. It was an ugly process and took years, but I made it through.
One thing I learned from this process is to pray honestly. As I went through discovering myself there were moments of utter despair where I did not like what I found and did not know how to change it. It was in those moments that I spoke to God, I told Him everything even though uttering some truths out loud made me cry in shame. But I knew that I had to lay it all at God’s feet, otherwise I wouldn’t be able to break myself from those chains that bound me and heal. God already knew all of me, the good, the bad and the ugly, and He still loved me. This fact kept me running to God over and over again.
Having an honest communication with others in our lives doesn’t always happen because we don’t want to reveal our true circumstances or thoughts to them. We are afraid of being judged, disliked, misunderstood, or cast aside. I can’t, and in most cases don’t, have the same conversation with others as I have with God. But because of my honest prayers, I now have an amazingly strong and trustworthy bond with God. What a blessing this has been that out of the ashes of my old self, rose a woman who is not afraid to be honest with herself and with God.
Without honesty, a solid trusting relationship with God is impossible. That is the simple truth. It is never too late to start building this relationship with God. Who knows, like me, you will start to have an amazing relationship with yourself in the process. Pray boldly and honestly!!
The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. ~ Psalm 145:18
If any of you are currently struggling with honest prayer, please say this prayer ………
Father God, I ask you today to give me a Spirit of courage so that I can boldly come to you in honest prayer. Lord, you know my heart and I know that there is nothing hidden from you but for some reason I am afraid to voice what’s truly in my heart. Father, please help me overcome the fears I have that is stopping me from having an honest conversation with You. Help me bring voice to what is in my heart. I know Lord that you will receive my honest prayer with love, understanding and forgiveness. In Jesus precious and powerful name, Amen!
Missionary Associate serving Asian Indians in the Los Angeles area